Creatures in the walls

The Wife and I had the following conversation via IM today....

Bean: Everything ok?
The Wife: Oh - the squirrel is now in the corner with the kitchen sink.
Bean: I think the squirrel is building a home and an office. or a home and a weekend home.
The Wife: I think probably an office and media room. If it has a bigger TV, I'll move in with him. BRB
The Wife: Big crash from basement - think squirrel is unhappy w/his accomodation. Should I remove the cover to the window, or just wait for Erlich
Bean: Remove cover and cut plastic - maybe he'll leave on his own.
Bean: Bill squirrel's agent for damages.
The Wife: no problem - but how will we know if he's left? Then to pay for the trap?
Bean: Make a small cut - if it gets larger we think he went out through window. Then block off again.
Bean: Squirrel is probably late for work. Stayed in all weekend watching sports and eating cheetos.
The Wife: Where did he get the cheetos? I want some!!
Bean: I presume he went shopping on his way home from work.
The Wife: brb - off to remove window cover.
The Wife: ok deed is done.
Bean: What do you think keeps crashing?
The Wife: now, he's napping. The last time it was those wooden shelves, could be anything on the table. Won't know till I'm down there, but don't really want to go down with a loose squirrel.
Bean: Chicken.
The Wife: Yes, absolutely.
Bean: Well at least he comes out of the wall occasionally. Even if we do have to trap him. I was beginning to think he had no intention of ever coming out again.
The Wife: Ehrlich just came & set up the trap. The squirrel apparently has been chewing on a wire (under the dining room) - once the squirrel is caught we will need to have the electrician in. Seriously, I think we should consider buying one of those traps then we won't have to pay $200+ each year to catch something. Maybe a Christmas present from your folks! I blocked up the window again because I didn't want him calling his friends & family to join him.
Bean: JC on a raft. I have to go to my meeting.
Bean: I'm back. Any more from our friend in the basement?
The Wife: He's hanging around the fireplace (Emily is watching for it now). Was the JC about what I said, or your meeting?
Bean: The JC was about the squirrel chewing on the wire. He's hanging around the fireplace? He's in the wall over there now?
The Wife: yes. (presumably under the fireplace).
The Wife: I don't know if the passive trap is going to work, but I don't have any better ideas.
Bean: Is there food in it?
The Wife: I think the guy put some sort of squirrel enticement goo in it. I haven't been down there.
Bean: The squirrel has to be getting hungry.
Bean: He hasn't been out in days.
The Wife: He told me where the trap is & that we would hear the squirrel when it was caught (they get very angry) & we should call them whenever it is caught. Or the copper & insulation are filling junk food.
The Wife: Although he has moved away from his "comfort zone."
The Wife: He just jumped over by the kitchen - Emily's still watching the fireplace.
Bean: Emily is slow these days.
The Wife: It seems to be doing laps now.
The Wife: If Emily showed any emotions, she'd be very excited.
Bean: maybe he'll get tired and fall down. Clumsy squirrel.
The Wife: ...and stagger to the trap.
Bean: Yes, exactly.
The Wife: Can squirrels swim?
Bean: I suspect they can, at least for short distances.

UPDATE: It was not a squirrel. It was a GROUNDHOG. Apparently they can climb. Little bastard.

and another thing

We have been having hot tub problems for months. We got so frustrated in January that we had our hot tub guy drain the tub and leave it until Spring. We got in touch with him in late March and got a quote to fix it but we were basically going to do what we had done in the fall, again. That "repair" resulted in the circuit board getting fried, and I mean fried to the point of melting. So we decided to just get rid of the hot tub rather than fix it. Then the hot tub guy offered to buy it from us. So we asked how much it would cost for him to do for us what he would have done if he had bought the tub from us. For only about $200 more we could get what would be basically a new hot tub. It took forever but yesterday we had a working hot tub for the first time since September. We noticed steam coming from the hot tub this afternoon so I checked it and the temperature was 109! We talked to the hot tub guy who said "SHUT IT DOWN, SHUT IT DOWN" like it was a nuclear reactor about to melt down. We seem to have solved the problem but it just fit with the rest of the day. I think I'm still waiting for that third thing to go wrong before midnight. Maybe I should just go to bed. Might be safer there.

Sometimes I hate this house

While I was cooking dinner I heard, or more accurately felt, a crash from somewhere above my head. It sounded like something hit the floor hard in the master bedroom. I thought The Wife had fallen in a passed out, collapsed sort of way. So the dog and I went zooming over to the stairs and yelled for her. She responded that "she had something in her teeth." A fuckin' boulder perhaps. I asked her what fell in the bedroom and she said "nothing." She also said she hadn't heard anything. So I went back to cooking dinner, the dog went back to the couch, and The Wife came downstairs having removed the item from her teeth. We forgot all about it until The Wife went to the garage to get a soda from our extra fridge and said "I know what the crash was, and it crashed right onto the car." A full 4x8 sheet of drywall fell on the car. Of course, the car had been in the shop for he past 24 hours so if this had happened last night the drywall would have landed in an empty garage. I think I can get the scratches out or if I get the car detailed they can get them out. But fuck.