Thursday, January 25, 2007

Fun with the English Language

Do You Think English is Easy???

Can you read these right the first time?

> 1) The bandage was wound around the wound.

> 2) The farm was used to produce produce.

> 3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

> 4) We must polish the Polish furniture.

> 5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.

> 6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the
> desert.
> 7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought
> it was time to present the present .
> 8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
> 9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
> 10) I did not object to the object.
> 11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
> 12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row
> 13) They were too close to the door to close it.
> 14) The buck does funny things when the does are
> present.
> 15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer
> line.
> 16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow
> to sow.
> 17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
> 18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a
> tear.
> 19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
> 20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate
> friend?
> Let's face it - English is a strange language. There
> is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither
> apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't
> invented in England or French fries in France .
> Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't
> sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if
> we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can
> work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig
> is neither from G uinea nor is it a pig.
> And why is it that writers write but fingers don't
> fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If
> the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of
> booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2
> meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy
> that you can make amends but not one amend? If you
> have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but
> one of them, what do you call it?
> If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a
> vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian
> eat? Sometimes I think all the English speakers should
> be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In
> what language do people recite at a play and play at a
> recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have
> noses that run and feet that smell?
> How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same,
> while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You
> have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in
> which y our house can burn up as it burns down, in
> which you fill in a form by filling it out and in
> which, an alarm goes off by going on.
> English was invented by people, not computers, and it
> reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of
> course, is not a race at all That is why, when the
> stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights
> are out, they are invisible.
> PS. - Why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with "quick"
> You lovers of the English language might enjoy this .
> There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more
> meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is
> "UP."
> It's easy to understand UP , meaning toward the sky or
> at the top of the list, but when we
> awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP? At a
> meeting, why does a topic come UP? Why do we speak UP
> and why are the officers UP for election and why is it
> UP to the secretary to write UP a report?
> We call UP our friends. And we use it to brighten UP a
> room, polish UP the silver, we warm UP the leftovers
> and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and
> some guys fix UP the old car. At other times the
> little word has real special meaning. People stir UP
> trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and
> think UP excuses. To be dressed is one thing, but to
> be d ressed UP is special.
> And this UP< / FONT> is confusing: A drain must be
> opened UP because it is stopped UP. We open UP a store
> in the morning but we close it UP at night.
> We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP! To be
> knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP , look the
> word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary,
> it takes UP almost 1/4th of the page and can add UP to
> about thirty definitions. I f you are UP to it, you
> might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is
> used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you
> don't give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more.
> When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP .
> When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP .
> When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes
> things UP
> When it doesn't rain for awhile, things dry UP
> One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP , for now
> my time is UP, so........... it is time to shut
> UP.....!
> Oh . one more thing:
> What is the first thing you do in the morning & the
> last thing you do at night? U-P

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