Thursday, August 17, 2006

Hiding from the World

Mentally I have been hiding from the world since last Wednesday when I had my MRI (still no results and Dr who ordered it is on vacation. Thanks, Dude, appreciate that) and met with the Radiation Oncologist (aka RAD/ONC). It was just one of those completely stupid days. I took the day off work but still ended up working for 3 hours in the morning before we drove into Phila. MRI people were running about an hour behind and then the tech "blew out" (her choice of words, not mine) a blood vessel in my arm. We got to the RAD/ONC's office just before my appointment which turned out to have been scheduled for 45 minutes later. They just told me to come early to fill out the paperwork - so we rushed and stressed for nothing. Then the doctor was running about 45 minutes behind. His nurse was a complete FREAK who asked if she could give me a hug. I wanted to say "Fuck no, get away from me" but I just said "No." Then she gave me this lecture about all the people behind me reaching out their hands to me that ended by telling me "It's not about me." Excuse me, I'm here because I have cancer you fuckwit. Yes, it is all about me today. Then I had to throw a complete hissy fit to keep the resident from doing a GYN exam. I believe I said "I do not want her to TOUCH me." Then the doctor provided virtually no information, even to my very specific questions. Mostly he said "We don't do this very often, we don't have a plan." It did not inspire confidence.

He did call the next day to tell me they had formulated a plan and it would involve 3 treatments and general anesthesia each time. He said we would start Aug 21 and they would do the treatment once a week for 3 weeks. Then he called back on Friday to say that my Gyn/Onc needed to talk to anesthesia first (see previous post on that fun experience).

Now I am in a holding pattern because my Gyn/Onc is on vacation. I can't make arrangements for anyone to take me to treatment because we don't know when it will be, I can't make arrangements for my medical leave from work, I can't pass off projects yet, etc. Mostly I hide in my office all day and try to get as much done as I can. If I didn't have to leave the house right now I wouldn't but I have to go to work and we had baseball tickets last weekend and on Tuesday night, we are going to a dinner tonight, and the Grange Fair tomorrow and we have a family thing this weekend. Mostly I just want to find a comfortable cave somewhere (with electricity, indoor plumbing, cable, and wi-fi) and hide.

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